Not Me! Monday

Well, Monday has arrived again. And let me tell you, this past week was full-to-the-eyeballs with Not Me! Moments.

I did not not feel sorry for the movers last week because they were loading in cold, windy and rainy weather since they showed up an hour and a half late. It would be very unkind to think “serves ya right for being late” and I am always the most kindest of people.

Always.

I did not have to tell myself the whole time the president at my previous university was speaking at my farewell reception “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You can’t cry in public. Don’t do it!”. I would never have to say that to myself because I am totally not an emotional person at all.

It totally did not just weird me out to refer to said institution as previous.

Nope. Nodda. Not weird at all.

Well then.

Moving on.

I did not giggle (a lot) when my brother taught my niece how to blow the straw wrapper off the straw while we were out to dinner last week. I did not turn around and cover my face when she did not hit the woman’s hair at the table next to us and said woman appeared to have so much hair spray in her hair that she did not not notice that she had just been torpedoed by a straw wrapper.

I am not in love with my new GPS, Garmin. Being in love with an inanimate object is completely inappropriate and totally not what mature adults do.

The check engine light on my car did not go on less than 100 miles outside of Omaha on my way to my new home. I did not pray that it would just go back off on its own and that it was not just some sort of temporary brain fart on the car’s part. Said engine light did not go back off and I did not heave a huge sigh of relief.

I am not currently standing in the kitchen of my new home not not patiently waiting for the cable guy to get here. I have all the patience in the world and would never, ever, ever be impatient.

Never.

Ever.

I do not suck at just being and relishing quiet time.

Darn it.

I am a stellar just-being-and-relaxing-type of person.

Not.