The Wake-boarding Adventure

So, you may have noticed that The List includes going water skiing. I have never been water skiing in my life. For those of you that don’t know, I am not the most athletically inclined person. My poor parents tried so hard to get me involved in sports when I was a kid. To give you an idea of my athletic prowess, my very first season (and last if I remember correctly) of playing soccer was not a huge success. During one game I was assigned the role of goalie. To say that I didn’t completely understand that concept would be an understatement. I recall thinking my role was simply to retrieve the ball after it had gone through the goal. Therefore, I did nothing, nod-ah, zilch to stop the ball before it would go through the goal. But, darn it, I ran after those soccer balls and retrieved them like a champ!

As an adult who has not increased my athletic ability over the course of time, the idea of being pulled, at a relatively rapid pace, behind a boat, through water, while trying to exert what little athletic ability I possess is not exactly the most pleasant idea in the world..I mean…seriously…are you kidding me? This is an accident waiting to happen!

A friend of mine from USD grad school mentioned that he had a boat. I mentioned that I had The List and thus, the wake-boarding adventure begins. A group of us made arrangements to meet over a weekend, spend the day on the lake and (drag Tiffany behind the boat) go water skiing and/or wake boarding.

The day arrives. We head out to Lewis and Clark Recreation Area in Yankton, South Dakota. It’s a beautiful day. It’s sunny, great friends, great food and I would be remiss if I didn’t include that I also enjoyed a few beers.

We (AKA the "men-folk”) unload the boat into the water and we head out. Let me just say that simply getting on the boat was an adventure. Who knew that boats rock so darn much when they are just sitting in the water- not even going anywhere?

We take a very leisurely (i.e. bumpy as all get out) ride to the middle of the lake. I am then informed that I would enjoy wake-boarding much better than water skiing. Seeing as neither of these options is likely to be a pretty experience for anyone involved, I figure what the hey- I’m making an a$$ of myself no matter what happens.

I watch one of the woman that is with us go out and wake-board. Let me add that she seems to be a pretty athletic person and she is having a hell of a time just standing up and staying up on this wake-board thing-a-ma-jig. So, in my “I don’t have a half-ounce of athletic ability” head I am thinking “Dude, if she can’t do this, I am totally screwed”.

Now it’s my turn. So, I put the life jacket on. Sit down on the back of the boat as instructed and begin the oh-so-lady-like process of putting the wake-board on. The boat-owner/friend gives me instructions on what to do and how to get into the water. It’s fair to say that I don’t always handle being in uncomfortable situations in the most lady-like mature manner possible. “Are you kidding me?” and “Seriously” are the cleanest phrases that came out of my mouth during this time.

I jump in the water, making sure to jump out far enough so as not to get caught on the boat- as instructed. The first feel of the water- it is ridiculously frig’n cold. But the feeling of being cold is pretty quickly overridden by the fact that I am now holding onto a rope, that is attached to a boat, that in the very near future is going to be driven quickly forward, (dragging) pulling me behind it.

As I am sitting in the water, holding onto this rope, in the “position” as I have been instructed, I am thinking this was a very, very bad idea.

My (so-called) friend starts the boat forward. I try to remember everything I have been told to do in order to stand up. But, by the time I’ve thought of everything I was supposed to have done, I’m back in the water again having face planted forward after, with the assistance of the speeding boat, hauling myself over the top of the wake-board and face planting back into the water. Seriously…that was like 10-seconds.

One thing that no one ever told me about this whole water skiing/wake boarding business is that once you fail to stand up and have let go of the rope, you have to bob up and down in the water waiting for the boat to come back. Are you kidding me? Here’s me in my life jacket with my feet practically suctioned cupped to this wake-boarding thing-a-ma-jig hoping that no other boats that are speeding by use me as a speed bump.

After numerous attempts, I am sad to report that there was no actual occurrence of what would be considered wake-boarding that day. BUT, the list doesn’t say I have to be good at it, or even successful, but at least try. Therefore, my wake boarding experience will fulfill The List requirement of water skiing.

So goes the wake-boarding adventure.